Harmony with your teen in the college application process? Impossible you say? While you may not be holding hands singing Kumbaya with your teenager, there are steps you can take to make high stakes college planning less stressful.
1.
The landscape has changed.
Recognize that college admissions has changed dramatically over the last few decades.
According to the National Center for Education Statistics, college enrollment increased 38 percent between 1999 and 2009 alone.
The competition is much more significant, and there is some truth to the adage that what would have been a safety school when parents were applying, is a school that those parents may or may not be able to get into today.
Don't assume that a school's reputation 20 years ago is the same one it has today.
2.
Hold that thought.
Before you express your opinion (particularly after a campus visit), let your child express theirs.
While you may find a school incredibly appealing, your child may not, and they may see your opinion as an attempt to sway or pressure them (and we all know how they'll react to that!).
Give them space and a chance to express themselves and then share your own thoughts.
We all want to raise thoughtful, independent young adults, and this is a good place to loosen the reins just a little.
3.
Don't Touch This! I have worked with a number of parents who fill out college applications for their bright, capable (but perhaps unmotivated) children.
Do you really want to pay thousands of dollars in tuition if your child will not put in the time to fill out the applications? By all means, counsel, talk and encourage, but let the work be their own.
4.
Avoid Absolutes.
Your child decides they want to go to college across the country or wants to apply to a college at which the chances of getting in are about the same as the odds of them winning Olympic gold in the biathlon.
If you don't let them try, you may hear about this for a very long time to come.
Instead, you might agree to let them reach for the stars knowing that there are parameters or boundaries that might come with the choice.
Some of the parents with whom I have worked will tell their kids that while they may apply to a college on the other side of the country, the parents do not have the means to pay for airfare home during the school year in addition to all of the other college expenses.
Guess where these kids end up going to school when they cannot find the way to make their dream a reality? Engage your child in the decision-making process.
Given parameters or gentle guidance, they usually make pretty logical choices.
5.
Stay Organized! The biggest challenge of all! Applying for college admission and financial aid means keeping all of the pieces of the puzzle organized.
Applications, essays, recommendations, transcripts, financial aid applications and much more need to be completed for each school and according to that school's own individual deadlines.
Not an easy task for most of us, let alone the teenager for whom organizational skills are very much still in their developmental phase! Your gentle guidance in this area may be a lifesaver.