The 5 Most Critical Steps You Most Take To Save Your Marriage - Even If Your Spouse Wants Out!
I am sure you may be familiar with the grim statistics about failed marriages.
45-50% of all marriages will end in divorce in the Unites States, and unfortunately this trend is becoming true of many countries around the world.
But did you know that 60-65% of all second marriages end in divorce; and that when it comes to third marriages, the divorce rate goes up to 70-75%? The point of all these alarming stats in this article is to confirm and affirm to you that a divorce is never the answer to a problem marriage, and that you are right in seeking to do everything in your power to try to save your marriage.
But how can one person make it work if the other is not willing? It takes two to make a marriage work, doesn't it? That is why in this brief article I am going to share with you what you can do, starting today, to turn things around; even if the odds are stacked against you, and even if your spouse wants out.
There are many things that could cause a marriage to go bad and then from bad to worse.
Obviously that list and the various combinations will just be too long to go through in this article.
But I can guarantee you that 99% of all marital problems stem from some basic fundamental and underlining issues, and these are what I will go through now.
1).
Be Aware of and in Control of Your Emotions! Remember that your intense emotions or "feelings "are just a fleeting moment in the here and now and that they are mostly chemically induced.
Emotions are powered by the release of adrenaline and are a specific physiological response or reactions to a particular mental event or series of events that are usually of short duration.
In common terms, your mind could be telling you to react based on fight or flight reflexes and instincts.
Do not let your mind play tricks on you, focus on the bigger picture, and remember that you love your spouse.
By the way, love is not all about an emotion or feeling.
Love is a deliberate attitude or a state of mind that leads to action! Dealing with emotions are the most difficult and complex aspect of the equation, but it can be the most detrimental in trying to save your marriage.
Don't get me wrong, emotions are not all bad and within the right context and setting they are very desirable.
Our emotions are part of who we are as humans, but negative reactions and destructive emotional outburst will end your marriage sooner than anything else will.
If your spouse wants out of the marriage and you don't, they may try to push your "buttons" to draw out a negative emotional response from you in order to justify their position.
You must resist the temptation to react with hurtful words and deeds, even if your spouse is doing that very same thing to you.
I know this is hard to do - but no one said it would be easy.
Avoid the tit for tat, "I must get the last hurtful word in" attitude.
The Bible says a "kind word" or "a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
" That statement is so true when you are engaged in communication with your spouse about saving your marriage.
This leads me to the next critical step.
2).
You Must Continue To Communicate With Your Spouse.
Let's face it, marriage is like building a house, it is hard work and takes time, but if you do not have the blue print or the plans for the house, and everyone is doing his or her own thing, then sooner or later you will end up with a pile of rubble not a house.
The blue print or plan is your ability to communicate to your spouse and with each other.
Even if your spouse does not want to communicate as much as you, you should still leave the channels of communication open for them.
The worst thing you can do is say, "Well he or she isn't talking, so neither am I!" This is a sure way to end you marriage.
I am not talking about talking your spouse's ears off as that can have a negative impact, but rather open up and express your thoughts and concerns in a positive and non-combative way.
The marriage will never heal if both parties shut down and stop taking to each other, so start talking now.
You can start with small talk, and build from there.
3).
Don't Grovel or Beg Your Spouse to Stay if they Insist on Leaving.
This is another big mistake individuals make when trying to save their marriage.
Crying, groveling, and begging your spouse to stay can be very unattractive to anyone.
You can expect only two outcomes as a result of begging your spouse to stay.
1) Your spouse might be more turned off and say, "That is the very reason I am leaving, you are just too needy and pathetic!" Ouch! 2) Or they may stay a while longer because they feel sorry for you, but how long will that last? Your spouse having pity on you, is not a good foundation on which to attempt to build a solid marriage.
So in both cases, you will lose.
Remain humble, but also stay strong.
Your spouse will be attracted to your strength and admire your humility.
If your spouse is adamant about leaving, don't beg them on your knees to stay.
Sometimes, it is best to have some time apart so they can re-evaluate their motives for leaving.
Allow time to pass, this can have a positive impact on saving your marriage.
4).
Do not Tell Everyone About the Problems in Your Marriage...
...
especially either side of the family, in-laws, and friends.
Sure, you may have a mentor or a neutral party that you can talk with as this will be very important for your sanity, but avoid divulging marital issues to friends and family.
This can lead to more pressure being placed on your spouse and on the marriage and can also lead your spouse to say, "Well everyone knows what is going on, so I might as well follow through with my decision to leave.
" 5).
Seek Professional Counseling; Be Careful About Following Well-Meaning Friends and Family Advice, They Could Make Things Worse.
Even if your spouse will not engage in marital counseling, you should still do so.
This will provide you with more tools and resources to help you get through this rough time.
Emotional support is important, especially if you are no longer receiving it from your spouse.
Having professional guidance and support will equip you with the right frame of mind and will help you avoid the many pit falls that so many married couples fall into.
Be very careful of well-meaning friends' and family's advice.
Unless they are professional marriage counselors, do no jump on everything they say.
Remember, being married or having gone through a divorce is not necessarily credentials for giving marital advice.
45-50% of all marriages will end in divorce in the Unites States, and unfortunately this trend is becoming true of many countries around the world.
But did you know that 60-65% of all second marriages end in divorce; and that when it comes to third marriages, the divorce rate goes up to 70-75%? The point of all these alarming stats in this article is to confirm and affirm to you that a divorce is never the answer to a problem marriage, and that you are right in seeking to do everything in your power to try to save your marriage.
But how can one person make it work if the other is not willing? It takes two to make a marriage work, doesn't it? That is why in this brief article I am going to share with you what you can do, starting today, to turn things around; even if the odds are stacked against you, and even if your spouse wants out.
There are many things that could cause a marriage to go bad and then from bad to worse.
Obviously that list and the various combinations will just be too long to go through in this article.
But I can guarantee you that 99% of all marital problems stem from some basic fundamental and underlining issues, and these are what I will go through now.
1).
Be Aware of and in Control of Your Emotions! Remember that your intense emotions or "feelings "are just a fleeting moment in the here and now and that they are mostly chemically induced.
Emotions are powered by the release of adrenaline and are a specific physiological response or reactions to a particular mental event or series of events that are usually of short duration.
In common terms, your mind could be telling you to react based on fight or flight reflexes and instincts.
Do not let your mind play tricks on you, focus on the bigger picture, and remember that you love your spouse.
By the way, love is not all about an emotion or feeling.
Love is a deliberate attitude or a state of mind that leads to action! Dealing with emotions are the most difficult and complex aspect of the equation, but it can be the most detrimental in trying to save your marriage.
Don't get me wrong, emotions are not all bad and within the right context and setting they are very desirable.
Our emotions are part of who we are as humans, but negative reactions and destructive emotional outburst will end your marriage sooner than anything else will.
If your spouse wants out of the marriage and you don't, they may try to push your "buttons" to draw out a negative emotional response from you in order to justify their position.
You must resist the temptation to react with hurtful words and deeds, even if your spouse is doing that very same thing to you.
I know this is hard to do - but no one said it would be easy.
Avoid the tit for tat, "I must get the last hurtful word in" attitude.
The Bible says a "kind word" or "a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
" That statement is so true when you are engaged in communication with your spouse about saving your marriage.
This leads me to the next critical step.
2).
You Must Continue To Communicate With Your Spouse.
Let's face it, marriage is like building a house, it is hard work and takes time, but if you do not have the blue print or the plans for the house, and everyone is doing his or her own thing, then sooner or later you will end up with a pile of rubble not a house.
The blue print or plan is your ability to communicate to your spouse and with each other.
Even if your spouse does not want to communicate as much as you, you should still leave the channels of communication open for them.
The worst thing you can do is say, "Well he or she isn't talking, so neither am I!" This is a sure way to end you marriage.
I am not talking about talking your spouse's ears off as that can have a negative impact, but rather open up and express your thoughts and concerns in a positive and non-combative way.
The marriage will never heal if both parties shut down and stop taking to each other, so start talking now.
You can start with small talk, and build from there.
3).
Don't Grovel or Beg Your Spouse to Stay if they Insist on Leaving.
This is another big mistake individuals make when trying to save their marriage.
Crying, groveling, and begging your spouse to stay can be very unattractive to anyone.
You can expect only two outcomes as a result of begging your spouse to stay.
1) Your spouse might be more turned off and say, "That is the very reason I am leaving, you are just too needy and pathetic!" Ouch! 2) Or they may stay a while longer because they feel sorry for you, but how long will that last? Your spouse having pity on you, is not a good foundation on which to attempt to build a solid marriage.
So in both cases, you will lose.
Remain humble, but also stay strong.
Your spouse will be attracted to your strength and admire your humility.
If your spouse is adamant about leaving, don't beg them on your knees to stay.
Sometimes, it is best to have some time apart so they can re-evaluate their motives for leaving.
Allow time to pass, this can have a positive impact on saving your marriage.
4).
Do not Tell Everyone About the Problems in Your Marriage...
...
especially either side of the family, in-laws, and friends.
Sure, you may have a mentor or a neutral party that you can talk with as this will be very important for your sanity, but avoid divulging marital issues to friends and family.
This can lead to more pressure being placed on your spouse and on the marriage and can also lead your spouse to say, "Well everyone knows what is going on, so I might as well follow through with my decision to leave.
" 5).
Seek Professional Counseling; Be Careful About Following Well-Meaning Friends and Family Advice, They Could Make Things Worse.
Even if your spouse will not engage in marital counseling, you should still do so.
This will provide you with more tools and resources to help you get through this rough time.
Emotional support is important, especially if you are no longer receiving it from your spouse.
Having professional guidance and support will equip you with the right frame of mind and will help you avoid the many pit falls that so many married couples fall into.
Be very careful of well-meaning friends' and family's advice.
Unless they are professional marriage counselors, do no jump on everything they say.
Remember, being married or having gone through a divorce is not necessarily credentials for giving marital advice.
Source...