Now, that it's February, many of us are looking at our New Year's resolutions wondering why they're not working out.
The truth is good intentions only go so far and then there is the hard work of continuing to change day after day.
The following are some recommendations to help you stick to making the changes you desire.
1.
Think big.
Start small.
Break down the change you want to make into small, attainable steps.
For example, if you want to exercise and you haven't been to the gym in years, dedicate 30 minutes twice a week to go for a walk, watch an exercise video, take a fitness class.
Create goals you can fit into your life and maintain.
Once you've mastered one step, take the next more difficult one.
2.
Remember change is a process.
Habits take time to learn and even longer to unlearn.
How long have you been smoking? Overeating? Neglecting your health? If it's been longer than a year or two, it's probably something you do automatically, without thinking.
Start by consciously monitoring when you smoke, overeat, etc.
and practicing an alternate response.
Habit change requires an ongoing commitment to learning new ways to cope with life's challenges and meeting your emotional needs.
3.
Reframe problems as opportunities.
If you break your diet one day, think about why you chose a snickers bar, chips and coke for lunch.
Were you feeling stressed? Down? Tired? What can you do to address these feelings more positively, like slowing down, talking with a friend, taking a nap.
Plan the steps you'll take next time now.
Mentally rehearse what you'll do so it's more likely to happen.
4.
Don't dwell on failures.
When you don't make the desired choice, beating yourself up will only disable you from having the interest and energy to change.
Often we begin to regard ourselves as "bad" rather than a good person who made a poor choice.
An example of this is a person resolved to eat healthier who has a donut for breakfast, and then decides the day is lost so why try at all.
Be patient with yourself but take responsibility and make a plan for what you'll do different next time.
5.
Practice.
Practice.
Practice.
Like a child learning to ride a bike, we are likely to stumble and fall many times in changing lifestyle habits which is usually what New Year's resolutions are about.
So, be prepared to fall and get up, fall and get up, fall and get up again.
The more you practice new habits, the more you'll learn about how to succeed at them by the mistakes you make.
And, the more automatic the new ones will become just like the old ones you're shedding.
6.
Be accountable.
Only you can create a different life for yourself whether it's losing weight, quitting smoking, choosing healthier relationships.
No matter how much stress you experience at work or how unpleasant your spouse is, doesn't mean you have to reach for a Big Mac or pack of cigarettes or a six pack of beer.
These are choices which have become habits which may seem out of your control.
But they aren't.
No one is forcing you to make them.
You must stop yourself.
7.
Let others help and support you.
While you are the one who ultimately has to make a different choice, family and friends can offer encouragement and lend their strength.
If your goal is to exercise, find a workout buddy.
When you go for the bag of M&M's, phone a friend.
Speak openly about your struggles and challenges so you can benefit from the support and advice of people who care about you.
Seek professional help when needed like with alcoholism and other life-threatening addictions.
8.
Expect obstacles.
As mentioned earlier, change is a process which requires significant effort, energy and persistence.
Understand that you will encounter difficulties and troubleshoot problems before they occur.
For example, the holidays are a time when many people who are dieting overeat.
Think about eating a small meal before a party or avoiding alcohol which may lessen your impulse control.
Add more physical activity to your routine.
Positive choices will counterbalance setbacks.
9.
Put your intention on what you want to happen.
Think about the changes you want to create.
Imagine yourself making healthier choices which support your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being.
Whether it's quitting smoking or overeating or over scheduling, see yourself as the person you want to become.
Making the changes you desire.
10.
Reward and savor success.
Do something nice for yourself like getting a massage, having lunch with a friend, buying a new CD or book, spending a day doing nothing.
Focus on how well you've done, letting the good feelings sink in.
Think about what you'd say to a friend who's accomplished these goals, and say it to yourself.
Let others know about your achievements without boasting.
Use your success to propel you forward in creating and sustaining change.
As Einstein said, "You can't solve a problem with the same mind that created it".
So, stay open-minded, non-judgemental and hopeful.
With persistence, effort and attention, you can create the life you want, one step at a time.