Spousal Verbal Abuse: 4 Ways To Test If Their Apology Is Sincere.
If you suffer from spousal verbal abuse then you have probably heard, "I'm sorry" almost as many times as you have heard the insults, bad names, and being sworn at. This is one of the tactics verbal abuser use to keep up their abuse; they apologize, restate their love for you and promise never to do it again. You then live in the illusion that everything will be alright until... the next time.
How long can you put up with it? Every time it happens again, do you find yourself believing things will change, or begin to wonder if your spouse if ever capable of changing at all?
In this article you're going to find out the REAL test to see if they are finally going to get their act together or not.
*Admit that what they did was wrong. If they minimize what they did (I only called you a few names. Didn't your mother tell you, "Sticks and stones will break your bones but names will never hurt you?") they will go back to this horrendous behavior when they see the time to be right. This can be a learned behavior they adapted when they were growing up. They may know that it is wrong but do not know how to change things. When they find themselves mad or upset, they automatically revert to this behavior as an outburst, not thinking about the effect it has on anyone else.
*. He/she (unfortunately both sexes can be abusers) must admit that they are abusive and that it is in their control to change themselves. If they blame YOUR weak constitution or their bad upbringing for their behavior no matter how many times that they apologize it won't last too long because in their mind they are not responsible for what happened. It is common for these types of people to blame others and not face their part in any situation. They do not see how damaging their actions are. They are not willing to face the truth of the matter, and thus not ready to ever change or get help for their behavior.
*. Be willing to rectify what he/ she did and be extra nice. Until he/ she begins to be more respectful of your needs and tries to fix your name to the people in front of whom they insulted you, they are still apt to fall back into their evil pattern. Also even little derogatory jokes which in a normal relationship isn't so bad, they have to stop them.
*. Strive for perfection. Don't fall for the "I'll try for the next few months" line. They have to be willing to put in the effort and sweat to stop the verbal abuse ALL THE TIME and FOREVER.
People who verbally abuse their spouses apologize for their disgusting behavior almost as much as they are verbally abusive. Don't fall for their apologizes unless you sense that they really do realize the damage that they caused you, they take FULL responsibility for what they did, are willing to be extra nice, and are willing to be good FOREVER. Unless they fulfill these conditions either leave them or be prepared for more outbursts regardless of how much the apologize.
In most cases, therapy or group sessions will help these verbal abusive spouses learn how to better cope in situations where they find themselves losing control and lashing out verbally. If they are truly ready to change, they should be open to going to some sessions to see how it can help. You do not have to put up with a verbally abusive spouse. There is help out there for both you and your spouse if you just ask for it.
How long can you put up with it? Every time it happens again, do you find yourself believing things will change, or begin to wonder if your spouse if ever capable of changing at all?
In this article you're going to find out the REAL test to see if they are finally going to get their act together or not.
*Admit that what they did was wrong. If they minimize what they did (I only called you a few names. Didn't your mother tell you, "Sticks and stones will break your bones but names will never hurt you?") they will go back to this horrendous behavior when they see the time to be right. This can be a learned behavior they adapted when they were growing up. They may know that it is wrong but do not know how to change things. When they find themselves mad or upset, they automatically revert to this behavior as an outburst, not thinking about the effect it has on anyone else.
*. He/she (unfortunately both sexes can be abusers) must admit that they are abusive and that it is in their control to change themselves. If they blame YOUR weak constitution or their bad upbringing for their behavior no matter how many times that they apologize it won't last too long because in their mind they are not responsible for what happened. It is common for these types of people to blame others and not face their part in any situation. They do not see how damaging their actions are. They are not willing to face the truth of the matter, and thus not ready to ever change or get help for their behavior.
*. Be willing to rectify what he/ she did and be extra nice. Until he/ she begins to be more respectful of your needs and tries to fix your name to the people in front of whom they insulted you, they are still apt to fall back into their evil pattern. Also even little derogatory jokes which in a normal relationship isn't so bad, they have to stop them.
*. Strive for perfection. Don't fall for the "I'll try for the next few months" line. They have to be willing to put in the effort and sweat to stop the verbal abuse ALL THE TIME and FOREVER.
People who verbally abuse their spouses apologize for their disgusting behavior almost as much as they are verbally abusive. Don't fall for their apologizes unless you sense that they really do realize the damage that they caused you, they take FULL responsibility for what they did, are willing to be extra nice, and are willing to be good FOREVER. Unless they fulfill these conditions either leave them or be prepared for more outbursts regardless of how much the apologize.
In most cases, therapy or group sessions will help these verbal abusive spouses learn how to better cope in situations where they find themselves losing control and lashing out verbally. If they are truly ready to change, they should be open to going to some sessions to see how it can help. You do not have to put up with a verbally abusive spouse. There is help out there for both you and your spouse if you just ask for it.
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