4 Ways Your Friends are Breaking Up Your Marriage
Humans need friends. Most of the time, friends do wonders for you personally and for your relationship. They provide additional support when times are hard, help guide you on your life's journey, and provide a sense of belonging and love. Sometimes, they just bring a little more fun into your life. All this enhances your perspective and boosts your confidence. These things only help your marriage. But, other times, friends contribute to the destruction of your relationship. They might be destroying your marriage without realizing it, but it doesn't change the fact that it's a problem. What's important is that you realize it and nip the problem in the bud before you lose your spouse or have to overcome challenging marital problems that could have been avoided. Here are the ways your friends are ruining your marriage:
Some well-meaning people listen to you vent or vent themselves and get the people around them all riled up. When groups of men or women get together and start complaining about their spouses, things sometimes get out of hand. They might get in your ear with their own thoughts on your spouse and relationship. Their judgements might make you get annoyed about things that never bothered you before. Next thing you know, you are going home and telling the wife that she should be cooking you meals and cleaning the house more or she's telling you to quit playing video games with your brother. This ushers in the arguments, which get more and more out of hand. Learn to separate your own gripes from those of others, and continue to wisely choose your battles in your marriage and other relationships. Don't let the calls of the crowd bring you down, too.
This one is most often a problem of the newlywed and young. If many of your friends are not yet married, they might still be carrying on at frat parties, nightclubs, and bars. It's one thing to let loose once in a while, but frequenting these places usually leads to drinking too much, which leads to bad decisions. Constantly hanging out with other single people, who are not interested in a commitment or are just partying, can also bring with it unintended and unnecessary temptations to cheat. You don't have to drop your single pals, but you should agree to go dancing with them only if your spouse is tagging along, too. You should all drink responsibly, and you should keep your wits about you. Finally, your friends should respect your boundaries and your new marital status. And don't party like you're 19 if you're 36. It's just not cool and it won't do anything good for your marriage or you.
Ok, so your friend's extramarital activities have nothing to do with you. That's true. And you don't condone his or her behavior, nor do you plan to follow in your friend's unfaithful footsteps. In fact, you've advised him or her to come clean and quit this other relationship(s). But I'd be remiss if I didn't warn you about the potential problems here. For one, you're going to always feel awkward with your friend's spouse because he or she may not know everything you do. You might even feel sorry for him or her. In addition, your friend might make the affair sound better, cooler, and more appealing than it really is. All this talk could make it sound more feasible, and you don't want to walk down this road. Once someone cheats, there is a big hole in the marriage, which is often impossible to repair. It's just not a risk worth taking.
Forget keeping up with the Joneses, especially if they are your besties. This is always going to be a losing battle. Sure, your pals have a nicer house and car and they make sure you notice, but are they really happy? Probably not. If they were, they wouldn't have to shove this material wealth in your face. Focus on yourselves and your own goals, remember that stuff can always be replaced and never defines you, and move on. When couples try to keep up with others in this way, they only end up turning on each other and losing track of what is really most important - love, health, and togetherness.
1. They incite riots in your home.
Some well-meaning people listen to you vent or vent themselves and get the people around them all riled up. When groups of men or women get together and start complaining about their spouses, things sometimes get out of hand. They might get in your ear with their own thoughts on your spouse and relationship. Their judgements might make you get annoyed about things that never bothered you before. Next thing you know, you are going home and telling the wife that she should be cooking you meals and cleaning the house more or she's telling you to quit playing video games with your brother. This ushers in the arguments, which get more and more out of hand. Learn to separate your own gripes from those of others, and continue to wisely choose your battles in your marriage and other relationships. Don't let the calls of the crowd bring you down, too.
2. They have you acting like you're still single.
This one is most often a problem of the newlywed and young. If many of your friends are not yet married, they might still be carrying on at frat parties, nightclubs, and bars. It's one thing to let loose once in a while, but frequenting these places usually leads to drinking too much, which leads to bad decisions. Constantly hanging out with other single people, who are not interested in a commitment or are just partying, can also bring with it unintended and unnecessary temptations to cheat. You don't have to drop your single pals, but you should agree to go dancing with them only if your spouse is tagging along, too. You should all drink responsibly, and you should keep your wits about you. Finally, your friends should respect your boundaries and your new marital status. And don't party like you're 19 if you're 36. It's just not cool and it won't do anything good for your marriage or you.
3. They are not faithful to their spouse.
Ok, so your friend's extramarital activities have nothing to do with you. That's true. And you don't condone his or her behavior, nor do you plan to follow in your friend's unfaithful footsteps. In fact, you've advised him or her to come clean and quit this other relationship(s). But I'd be remiss if I didn't warn you about the potential problems here. For one, you're going to always feel awkward with your friend's spouse because he or she may not know everything you do. You might even feel sorry for him or her. In addition, your friend might make the affair sound better, cooler, and more appealing than it really is. All this talk could make it sound more feasible, and you don't want to walk down this road. Once someone cheats, there is a big hole in the marriage, which is often impossible to repair. It's just not a risk worth taking.
4. They are the Joneses with whom you are trying to keep up.
Forget keeping up with the Joneses, especially if they are your besties. This is always going to be a losing battle. Sure, your pals have a nicer house and car and they make sure you notice, but are they really happy? Probably not. If they were, they wouldn't have to shove this material wealth in your face. Focus on yourselves and your own goals, remember that stuff can always be replaced and never defines you, and move on. When couples try to keep up with others in this way, they only end up turning on each other and losing track of what is really most important - love, health, and togetherness.
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