Healthy marriages are slowly becoming an endangered reality.
At present, the divorce rate is climbing at an alarming rate.
Lives, especially the children, who are frequently caught in the web of marital disunity, are being marred by this vicious cancer.
Let's take it personal.
What about your marriage? Can you honestly say that your union is a healthy and fulfilling one? Or, has it been a series of painful events where you now look back on that beautiful day and say to yourself, "What was I thinking?" Successful marriages do not happen like 'instant coffee.
' Anybody who tells you that marriage does not require work is either single or on their way to the divorce court.
We are by nature creatures of habit and by extension if our habits are destructive, then our lives will be miserable.
Conversely, positive habits breed rewarding experiences.
What habits characterize your union? If you are struggling in your marriage, could one or more of these habits be at the heart of the problem? Habit 1 Selfishness: No relationship, especially in a marriage context will survive in an atmosphere of selfishness.
If you are a person who wants to get your way all the time, then marriage was really not for you in the first place.
A successful marriage exists when both parties posses a servant attitude.
Find out your spouse's needs and try to fulfill them, within reason of course.
For example, go to your partner today and ask, "How could I make your life easier today?" or "Is there anything you would like me to do for you today?" When this desire is shared and it is honestly within your power to do so, then carry out your spouse's need willingly, cheerfully and enthusiastically.
If you grew up in a 'dog-eat-dog' atmosphere, then developing a servant mindset may be a challenge for you; however, making a change in this positive direction is the path to a successful marriage.
Remember, Love always asks the question, "What is best for you?" Habit 2 An Unforgiving Attitude: If you are holding resentment and bitterness in your heart against your spouse because of an offense you suffered, as difficult as it may be for you, letting go of the need for revenge is necessary in order for your marriage to survive.
No union will thrive in an atmosphere of hatred.
Let's take it personal.
What offence has your spouse committed against you that has created a wall between both of you? By nature we like to hold on to grudges and letting go of hurts may be more difficult for some than others.
Sometimes the pain we feel at the hands of those we love can be so unbearable and only time can heal those wounds.
Seeking help from a marriage counselor may be an avenue you can explore if you need perspective in getting over this hurdle.
Habit 3 Taking Each Other for Granted: To take your spouse for granted means not giving him/her the honour that is rightfully theirs.
Husbands, if your wife has made a request for your help in a particular area, do you make the excuse that you are too tired? Yet, during the same space of time, if your friends call you on the phone and invite you to play your favourite sport, you suddenly develop a spurge of energy.
Wives, when was the last time you expressed gratitude to your husbands for being a provider and taking care of the family? When was the last time you both made time for each other to share a romantic evening? Do you remember those courting days? You get the point.
You were on your best behavior and did everything within your power to please your lover.
Do not allow the pressures of life or demands of work to affect your commitment to love and honour each other.
Habit 4 Abuse: Whether it is of a physical or emotional nature, if you are in an abusive relationship, then you need to seek help immediately.
If you are guilty of being the aggressor, the same recommendation applies to you- get professional help.
A healthy marriage cannot survive in an atmosphere of aggression to ones partner.
Suffice to say, much attention is given to physical abuse, and certainly this practice should be abhorred.
But did you know that emotional abuse is just as dangerous? You see, it's easy to see the evidence of physical abuse, but when it comes to the emotional aspect, it is not that easy to identify and it can be quite subtle.
For example, putting down your spouse in public and passing it off as a joke may not be viewed as harmful, but it is indeed.
If your words do not build up others or you take it a pleasure to be critical in your conversation, then you may need to do some self introspection.
As a matter of fact, why not ask your spouse if you are guilty of this practice.
If you are found wanting, the good thing is that change is possible.
Seek to develop a habit of praising your spouse more than condemning him/her because the toothpaste was not squeezed the way you were taught to squeeze it.
Habit 5 Negative Communication: Relationship therapists will agree that communication break down is one of the leading causes of marital unhappiness.
Negative communication doesn't need to be defined.
It surrounds us every day.
But, just in case you are unaware, here is a list for starters:

1. Not allowing your spouse to finish sharing their feelings
2. Arming yourself with 'skillful' counteracts to your spouse's viewpoints
3. Shouting at your spouse
4. Issuing verbal attacks- belittling or condemning your spouse's feelings and opinions
5. Listening selectively
6. Being engaged in other activities while your spouse is speaking

This list is certainly not exhaustive, but they are common negative communication patterns that if allowed to continue in any relationship will threaten the longevity of the union.
The good thing is, negative communication habits are fixable.
Once you recognize that your habit of expressing yourself has been destructive and you are willing to make positive changes towards developing healthy patterns, then you have taken the first step in building a growing, thriving relationship.
You know the popular adage, "Knowledge is power," can be quite misleading.
In an era where information slaps you in the face from all angles, society, especially family life and marriages should be blossoming.
The truth of the matter is, if knowledge is not acted upon when our consciences are provoked, then our lives in days, weeks, months or even years to come will remain stagnant.
In order for your relationship to reach new heights, it must require the commitment of both parties to ensure its success.
How badly you want the change is a question only you can answer.
Choose today to be a positive change agent in your relationship.