Fear Factor: Not Just A Reality TV Show
Copyright (c) 2011 Kim Schuld
You're not alone if you're scared. Fear is an emotion we all feel and all react to, even those of you who are adrenaline junkies and appear to be afraid of nothing.
Many years ago I first heard the saying, "Fear is simply false evidence appearing real." Okay, so what does that mean? It means that most of the time, fear is not real. It is contrived in our minds. But that's not really helpful when you're bogged down in the unknown - when you look at the pile of bills and the leak in the roof and there's a rumor at the office of mass layoffs in the making. The fear of not knowing how you'll make it through feels pretty real in that moment. So I have some tips to help us get through fear.
First, I think it's important to understand that not all fears are equal.
There is the fear you should pay attention to…fear of physical harm. If you are being held up at gunpoint for your wallet and car keys - that's physical fear and it should not be ignored. Sure there are some people who can calmly talk to the robber at the other end of the gun, but that is a special gift the vast majority of us don't have.
Situational fears are those that could be faced and overcome, but don't necessarily have to be. For example, I am afraid of bungee jumping. I have a real fear of hurling myself head first toward the ground and trusting a large rubber band to save me from splatting like a pancake. I could make the choice to get over that fear by giving bungee jumping a try, but I probably won't because this fear is not critical to either my every day functioning nor is it a barrier to my having a fabulous life.
A situational fear must be dealt with when it has graduated into the realm of a phobia and it interferes with your ability to function normally and live your life. I'm talking here about some things like agoraphobia which prevents people from leaving their homes. A fear this big may require the help of a professional.
The most common fear we feel is what I'll call emotional fear - worries and concerns. Here's where we get back to that saying from above. Emotional fear is a reaction to things we think are out of our control, but won't physically harm us. We may have a physical reaction — such as an upset stomach, a headache, a panic attack — but the cause is basically what's going on in our heads.
This kind of fear can:
Prevent us from taking actionChange how we live our daily lives - our priorities and the tasks we make sure get completed, andKeep our lives small. If you want to live a truly fulfilled and authentic life, you're going to have to come to grips with something: fear never goes away, we just get better at moving forward despite the fear.
In her book, "Secrets of Six Figure Women," Barbara Stanny writes that for every woman she interviewed: "Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of criticism lay like fault lines just below the surface. But they looked and acted confident even when they didn't feel like it."
So how do we act confident even when we don't feel it? How do we march boldly THROUGH the fear? These four tips may help:
1. Get the facts. Fear feeds off the unknown. Once you know what you are up against, you can start putting things into perspective.
2. Start with what's within your control. Once you start with what's in your power, the big picture fear gets fragmented and you can deal with one thing at a time.
3. Share the burden - but not with everyone! The more you hold your fears inside, the bigger they seem. But be careful who you share with. Your best friend may "have your back," but someone else might be better equipped to help you face the facts and pinpoint some solutions.
4. Refocus your mind. The more you dwell on the worries, the more power you give them. Refocus on where you want to be and start to take small steps to getting there.
Real living does not mean the absence of fear. We learn to live with it, work through it and learn from it. So stop waiting to feel no fear before you take that step forward!
Skip the saying at the beginning of this article and live by a new one:
Feel the fear and do the thing anyway.
You're not alone if you're scared. Fear is an emotion we all feel and all react to, even those of you who are adrenaline junkies and appear to be afraid of nothing.
Many years ago I first heard the saying, "Fear is simply false evidence appearing real." Okay, so what does that mean? It means that most of the time, fear is not real. It is contrived in our minds. But that's not really helpful when you're bogged down in the unknown - when you look at the pile of bills and the leak in the roof and there's a rumor at the office of mass layoffs in the making. The fear of not knowing how you'll make it through feels pretty real in that moment. So I have some tips to help us get through fear.
First, I think it's important to understand that not all fears are equal.
There is the fear you should pay attention to…fear of physical harm. If you are being held up at gunpoint for your wallet and car keys - that's physical fear and it should not be ignored. Sure there are some people who can calmly talk to the robber at the other end of the gun, but that is a special gift the vast majority of us don't have.
Situational fears are those that could be faced and overcome, but don't necessarily have to be. For example, I am afraid of bungee jumping. I have a real fear of hurling myself head first toward the ground and trusting a large rubber band to save me from splatting like a pancake. I could make the choice to get over that fear by giving bungee jumping a try, but I probably won't because this fear is not critical to either my every day functioning nor is it a barrier to my having a fabulous life.
A situational fear must be dealt with when it has graduated into the realm of a phobia and it interferes with your ability to function normally and live your life. I'm talking here about some things like agoraphobia which prevents people from leaving their homes. A fear this big may require the help of a professional.
The most common fear we feel is what I'll call emotional fear - worries and concerns. Here's where we get back to that saying from above. Emotional fear is a reaction to things we think are out of our control, but won't physically harm us. We may have a physical reaction — such as an upset stomach, a headache, a panic attack — but the cause is basically what's going on in our heads.
This kind of fear can:
Prevent us from taking actionChange how we live our daily lives - our priorities and the tasks we make sure get completed, andKeep our lives small. If you want to live a truly fulfilled and authentic life, you're going to have to come to grips with something: fear never goes away, we just get better at moving forward despite the fear.
In her book, "Secrets of Six Figure Women," Barbara Stanny writes that for every woman she interviewed: "Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of criticism lay like fault lines just below the surface. But they looked and acted confident even when they didn't feel like it."
So how do we act confident even when we don't feel it? How do we march boldly THROUGH the fear? These four tips may help:
1. Get the facts. Fear feeds off the unknown. Once you know what you are up against, you can start putting things into perspective.
2. Start with what's within your control. Once you start with what's in your power, the big picture fear gets fragmented and you can deal with one thing at a time.
3. Share the burden - but not with everyone! The more you hold your fears inside, the bigger they seem. But be careful who you share with. Your best friend may "have your back," but someone else might be better equipped to help you face the facts and pinpoint some solutions.
4. Refocus your mind. The more you dwell on the worries, the more power you give them. Refocus on where you want to be and start to take small steps to getting there.
Real living does not mean the absence of fear. We learn to live with it, work through it and learn from it. So stop waiting to feel no fear before you take that step forward!
Skip the saying at the beginning of this article and live by a new one:
Feel the fear and do the thing anyway.
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