I have been married now for over seven years.
We have started our family and presently we have two children.
My oldest is four and my youngest is seven months.
First, I just want to say that having children is a blessing.
If I had the chance to do it all over again, I would.
I love my children very much.
But having children does add a new hurdle into your marriage.
There are a lot of new changes that take place within your marriage.
Some of them are subtle some are not.
For both parties involved in the marriage there are some major adjustments that are necessary to keep things running smoothly.
But, this isn't anything new at all.
People can and do change or should I say adapt to their surroundings.
This is how a functioning marriage works-it adapts and conforms to its surroundings.
Without adaptation, a marriage will not function properly.
Adaptation is a gradual process in which the couple slowly learns how to deal with new situations and changes.
Once we are married and start bringing children into the mix it throws in an extra challenge.
This challenge is being either a good husband or wife and also being a good father or mother.
I often find that I am either only being a good husband or a good father.
I have to constantly remind myself that I must play both of these roles in order for my family to run smoothly.
Thus, I find that I sometimes neglect the needs of my wife and spend more time playing with my children.
This is entirely my fault.
To give an example of this, my wife stays at home with the children, often I will get home from work and the house will be a disaster and instead of considering that my wife may have had a difficult day, I get angry.
I usually don't become angry with my children, who have left toys and such strewn across the house, but I take out my frustrations on my wife.
I will usually tell her she needs to clean the house.
Every time I do this I put my foot right into my big mouth.
But, if I give it some thought and ask her "how was her day" I will discover that she had a pretty tough day.
In a marriage, we must always remember to think of our partner-how was his or her day? To keep a balance in our marriage and family we must always do this and keep the balance.
My wife will subtly remind me that we are married and are a family.
A family can only function as a whole when both parents work together to keep things running smoothly.
Thank goodness that she does or I would probably keep forgetting and it is at this point that I must keep myself focused.
This in turn hurts my wife and thus hurts my marriage.
It's like what you learn in physics class-every action has an equal but opposite reaction.
Always keep this in mind so that you don't disappoint or even hurt your spouse.
So, I will have to my focus somewhere in the middle in order to keep the balance.
This is the only way a marriage/family truly sustains itself and can grow.
This is something that any marriage or family must deal with-finding that happy middle ground.
Reaching this is very difficult, but it is not impossible.
One can be a great husband/wife and a great father/mother at the same time.
You must always keep your perspectives in focus and keep the balance in your marriage.