The guy is a jerk. Well, maybe he is, but think of it. He isn't doing anything new. He is forgetting to return phone calls or not listening to what you say again. In short, his actions are disrespectful, but, they're nothing you didn't expect.

It is easy to set yourself up for disappointment by expecting someone to act differently than they usually do. You can fill your life with annoyance and frustration if you keep demanding that your ex change his habits. You can continue to get mad when he doesn't pick up the kids on time. You can lecture him and call him an irresponsible boob 'til the cows come home, but it probably won't change anything. You may as well spare yourself the grief, and accept that he is doing what he always has, and probably always will. There are things you can do for your own piece of mind, though.

Don't expect your ex to change his evil ways. If he was willing to do that, he probably wouldn't be your ex. He did, said or believed things that made your relationship untenable, and the fact that he didn't suddenly turn into Prince Charming after you separated shouldn't surprise you. Do yourself a favor, and accept what won't change. Don't tell him to be on time. He won't obey you, and his refusal to cooperate is giving him the power to ruin your day.

You may not be able to change his behavior, but you can change your response to it. If he does the same thing over and over again, change how you react. If he doesn't call when you want him to, don't sit by the phone waiting. If he shows late to pick up the kids, don't plan for him to be on time. If he sends the kids home dirty, don't send them in their new clothes. If necessary, put them in the tub when they walk in the door.

You may not feel like accommodating a person who seems to have made a hobby out of being annoying. Your preference might be to repay his difficult behavior in kind. On a purely human level, such a reaction makes sense. This is to say, no one would blame you if you give as good as you get.

However, if you give your ex what he has coming, you are giving him the power to determine how you feel. You are risking an acceleration of bad behavior, making his desire to retaliate even stronger and nastier. Who wants to waste time feeling that angry and put upon?

The best way to handle an idiot is to act smart. Manage your own response in a way that doesn't put you out anymore than necessary, but that doesn't make you behave in a way that feels petty and vindictive. Remember, there is no cure for rotten ex syndrome, and the best thing you can do for yourself is apply as much salve as you can to ease the symptoms and spend your mental energy on aspects of your life that don't require thoughts of your ex. You'll still have to deal with him, but at least you will stay in control of how you feel about it.