Are you going around saying, "I still love my ex" after the relationship has ended? Why? What does that mean to you or to your ex? What do you want to happen? Let's find your motives.
I still love my ex...
because I don't like change.
A door bangs and you're out on your ear, excluded from the home, comfortable routines, usual activities and society of friends and family you always knew.
On your own you have to rely on yourself for everything or else do without.
Money has to stretch further now that you're living apart instead of sharing expenses.
Maybe you thought living alone would be like before you two ever met, but it's not.
Maybe it feels lonelier than you remembered.
And you don't know how to act as a single person, how to interact with other people and what they assume now that you're not part of a couple.
I still love my ex...
because I'm jealous that my loved one has found another.
Perhaps you picture your partner's new lover enjoying what was once so sweet to you.
You remember things about your partner's endearing ways that you had discounted for awhile, but that now seem golden in your memory.
Are you realizing what you had was more valuable than you thought? Could you do better as a partner now? Would you do better? I still love my ex...
because I suffer remorse for how I treated my loved one when we were together.
Did you know there are stages in a relationship and what to expect? You start with the honeymoon period of intense excitement and compatibility.
Then you both discover irritating little flaws in each other, followed by trying to change your partner to be more like you.
Eventually you realize your partner's ways are just who your partner is and always will be.
Finally comes acceptance of what marriage really is and letting each other be who they are.
That last stage is sweetened by a shared history of weathering the stresses and coming through them to peace and pleasure in each other again.
If you're unaware of these phases, you could have thought each rough spot would last forever.
Did you bail out instead of working through the stages in a relationship? Perhaps you didn't fight fair.
Maybe your partner didn't either.
Did you know there are ground rules for discussing differences in a healthy and productive way that finds solutions? Many couples have no idea how to deal with conflict and they make mistakes like saving up resentments, throwing up past hurts, refusing to communicate at all, threatening divorce over every small thing, and so on.
The result: frequent and endless rehashing of hurts and expectations that don't go anywhere and only deepen the bitterness and frustration.
I still love my ex...
because I'm finding out there's no one else who measures up to my lost loved one.
Have you gone out on dates and felt awkward and unpracticed in meeting expectations of a good date nowadays? Have you met predatory people, total bores, needy and clingy types--so many that you're starting to wonder if you're attracting them? What are the chances they're all wrong versus you just see them that way because they're nothing like your partner? Once you know where you stand, you have to figure out what you want to happen next.
If your persistent thought of "I still love my ex" is just selfishness on your part and hating change, then keep your distance.
Or do you need more time to heal and regain your mental balance? You don't want to acquire another partner only to discover what went wrong in your old romance repeats itself in the new romance because of some glitch in you.
It might be a good time to start practicing being a very good friend to your ex.
Expressing your respect and appreciation for your ex where you can is good for your own mental health and any future relationships you may form with your ex or any other partner.
Do you want to get your ex back? If you honestly see where you went wrong in your relationship, have ideas for a few things you would love to do better, believe you can be a good partner and want a second chance with your ex, seek out ways to make that happen.
Listen to what you're saying when you say, "I still love my ex.
" Get some expert advice and apply earnest effort to be a better partner.
If your ex responds to your better attitude and relationship skills, the feelings between you could change and lead to renewed love.
Your reward will be stage five in your relationship--sweet strong love, peace, compatibility, shared history and the chance to make better memories.