Starting Over - Getting Back Into The Dating Scene After Divorce
A client recently concluded that she must have no dating skills because she hadn't dated since her divorce.
She wanted to know how she could improve her dating skills - and I think that she really wanted some reassurance in this area.
I felt competent to respond to her because I had been in exactly that same position; I had been widowed for 5 years and had not had a single date in all that time.
I was sure that that part of my life was over; even worse, my social life was terrible! When I first began to date again, I was shy and awkward; men were an enigma to me.
Since then, I have dated many men and have had several relationships, with the result that I am much more comfortable on the dating scene now, although I don't claim to know everything about men - that would surely take several lifetimes! So if you, like my client, are starting over and are unsure about your dating skills, what should you do? o First, let everyone you know that you are now ready to date.
Ask all your friends if they know anyone who is single with whom they would be willing to set you up.
And since you are only looking to date at this point, so what if he or she is not exactly your dream partner? I am not suggesting that you date anyone who is a real turn-off or who makes you uncomfortable in any way, but think about dating the person who's like your brother or sister - no bells chiming, but someone nice.
This will give you the opportunity to get back into circulation, and the two of you can become support system for each other.
And a big bonus here: this will give you the opportunity to practice your dating skills.
Keep this level of dating very low-key, so that there are no expectations attached to it.
o Second, if meeting potential dating partners is difficult, I would suggest that you consider using one of the internet dating sites to meet singles in your area; I make use of these, and I have found that there are many nice, but lonely, people here, who are not meeting suitable people in their everyday world.
(See below for more information about preparing a profile to post online.
) o Finally, although perhaps this should be first, you might consider brushing up on your total people skills.
Consider asking your relationship coach, if you are working with one, or a trusted relative or friend for input regarding your approach to people.
We can all use a brush-up on our people skills from time to time, and this might just be your time to do so.
Best of luck to you as you begin this new phase!Enjoy!
She wanted to know how she could improve her dating skills - and I think that she really wanted some reassurance in this area.
I felt competent to respond to her because I had been in exactly that same position; I had been widowed for 5 years and had not had a single date in all that time.
I was sure that that part of my life was over; even worse, my social life was terrible! When I first began to date again, I was shy and awkward; men were an enigma to me.
Since then, I have dated many men and have had several relationships, with the result that I am much more comfortable on the dating scene now, although I don't claim to know everything about men - that would surely take several lifetimes! So if you, like my client, are starting over and are unsure about your dating skills, what should you do? o First, let everyone you know that you are now ready to date.
Ask all your friends if they know anyone who is single with whom they would be willing to set you up.
And since you are only looking to date at this point, so what if he or she is not exactly your dream partner? I am not suggesting that you date anyone who is a real turn-off or who makes you uncomfortable in any way, but think about dating the person who's like your brother or sister - no bells chiming, but someone nice.
This will give you the opportunity to get back into circulation, and the two of you can become support system for each other.
And a big bonus here: this will give you the opportunity to practice your dating skills.
Keep this level of dating very low-key, so that there are no expectations attached to it.
o Second, if meeting potential dating partners is difficult, I would suggest that you consider using one of the internet dating sites to meet singles in your area; I make use of these, and I have found that there are many nice, but lonely, people here, who are not meeting suitable people in their everyday world.
(See below for more information about preparing a profile to post online.
) o Finally, although perhaps this should be first, you might consider brushing up on your total people skills.
Consider asking your relationship coach, if you are working with one, or a trusted relative or friend for input regarding your approach to people.
We can all use a brush-up on our people skills from time to time, and this might just be your time to do so.
Best of luck to you as you begin this new phase!Enjoy!
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