A very common reaction to another's emotions is mirroring. We tend to do what they are doing. In the case of emotions, it is a challenge to choose how we feel when another is feeling a strong emotion, for example, anger. If they direct their anger toward us, we tend to find ourselves angry as well. It may not be a conscious decision to become angry, but it is a decision none the less.

Using the concept of problem ownership as a guide, we can help ourselves avoid others' €making€ us angry and instead choose our emotion to meet the situation. In a sense, we become a helper to the person who has the problem, instead of burdening ourselves emotionally as well. This is true even in situations when other people are mad at us and consider us to be the problem. Rather than becoming defensive, we need to help the person who €owns€ the problem by actively listening to them and urging them to talk about or process what they are feeling and thinking. Asking open-ended questions also helps them with the process of letting go of the feelings related to the problem they are experiencing. This technique or method is an important aspect of assertive communications and works well with parenting as well as in relationship situations. It is important to avoid coming across as disingenuous.

When it comes to assertive communication, it helps if you truly like yourself. If another person is telling you about the problem they have with you, it takes a lot of courage to listen and promote the other person's expressions of displeasure toward you. For you, it is about emotional freedom. Freedom to choose how you want to feel whenever you want to feel it, regardless of what others around you are feeling. This does not mean becoming a less feeling person. Rather it means becoming even more aware of your feelings and learning how to not be controlled by them. A popular method for helping people understand their feelings is Cognitive Behavior Therapy. One of the importance beliefs with this theory is the understanding that one's thoughts and feelings are the big factor in how people behave. If one changes what they think about something, e.g., being yelled at by their loved one, and instead think of the situation as a problem solving opportunity, arguments can be dealt with before they become an argument. Choose a different way of thinking. This will have a big effect on what you are feeling and will make a difference in how you behave.