How many of us can say we had a great idea, but could not do just that: Say it? Communication static gets in the way and prevents us from getting to the point.
When you're unable to get to the point the results are devastating! • Your listeners get frustrated because they feel as though you're wasting their time.
• You begin to feel as though you're on a train wreck, forgetting what to say and unable to think on your feet.
• Your listeners throw you objections and challenging questions.
We over qualify what we want to say before we make our point.
Why don't we just say what we mean? My client asked me to help him improve his communication with his team.
He wanted to be perceived as more confident, authoritative yet professional.
He had asked me to observe his staff meeting to identify his strengths and areas of improvement.
As I'm observing his interaction with his team, I realized it was his choice of words that were minimizing his confidence, authority and professionalism.
Before he'd make a point he'd say, "I'm probably way off base here...
" He was shooting his credibility in the foot without realizing what he was doing.
When a team member would ask him a question, he'd begin his response with, "To be honest with you...
" Does this mean he was lying to his team prior to this question? When I shared with him what I was hearing he looked at me as if I was kidding.
He said, "I'm a leader of a high-potential, progressive team who are responsible for the majority of this company's profit.
There's no way I could be using these phrases.
" With his approval, I begin audio recording our conversation to assist me in providing him with constructive feedback.
When we listened to his recording he was in shock.
Without my feedback and the audio recording he would've never realized this is how he speaks.
As a result, he would've continued to struggle with his team communication.
We fall into a trap of not getting to the point.
Women frequently communicate to me they don't want to come across as aggressive or too strong.
Therefore they begin their statements with qualifiers.
What are you thinking! These qualifiers make you sound less intelligent, credible and confident.
Instead eliminate the qualifier and get to the point! Avoid wasting your listeners' time.
Imagine how much time we could save in meetings if everyone would just get to the point.
Last week during my communication skills workshop, an executive opened his presentation with the following statement: "I want to ask you a question.
What is the number one challenge in your role as a leader?" Just ask it! Why do we feel we need to announce to our listeners what we're going to do before we do it by saying, "I want to ask you a question?" This executive's message and presence would've been more powerful if he would've opened his presentation with, "What is the number one challenge in your role as a leader?" Do you hear the difference between these two examples? The next executive opened her presentation with the following statement: "I'm going to tell you a story.
As I was walking to work today, I witnessed an event that changed the way I view my role as a leader.
" Again, another example of using too many words rather than choosing to get to the point.
This executive's story would've had more impact if she would've opened her presentation with, "As I was walking to work today, I witnessed an event that changed the way I view my role as a leader.
" As a listener, this opening grabs my attention and begins to place me into the story.
Be careful of using the following examples of qualifiers: • "I was wondering if we might consider...
" • "I think...
" • "I'm probably way off base here...
" • "This might be a stupid idea, but...
" • "To be honest with you...
" • "I want to ask you a question.
" • "I'm going to tell you a story.
" Ask your friends, co-workers and family members to give you feedback when they hear you using these phrases.
When we're trying to break old habits it's difficult to accomplish this grueling task on our own because we're unaware of our behavior.
You'll eliminate these words from your speech faster if you have someone you trust give you immediate feedback.
For example, while you're having a conversation with a co-worker, ask them to point out to you every time you use a qualifier.
The key to changing old habits into new habits is to receive the feedback immediately when you're doing the behavior you want to change.
When you receive feedback after the fact, it's just advice.
Without immediate feedback, you'll: • Continue to be in denial.
• Choose to use these qualifiers.
• Annoy your listeners because you never get to the point.
• Be perceived with a lack of knowledge, confidence, trust and credibility.
How can you avoid using qualifiers? 1.
Give yourself permission to think on your feet.
You may be using these qualifiers to buy yourself time, when in reality, they don't help you think on your feet.
Instead, they throw you off.
The answer: PAUSE to give you the time you need to collect your thoughts so that you sound confident, credible and knowledgeable.
2.
Pre-plan.
When you place more importance on every conversation you have, you'll be more successful.
Prior to a meeting, conference call, sales call or presentation, take the time to think through your words and choose words that will tap into what's important to your listeners.
Begin TODAY asking for feedback on your word choice.
You may be surprised at how these words work for you or against you.