Merry Christmas, Express Riders!

No, I haven’t lost touch with reality. I’m fully aware that Christmas Day has passed, but Santa has returned to deliver my gifts, so it’s Christmas all over again. Grab your egg nog, folks. All aboard!

Loonview Law & Order Part One: The Baby Boom

Despite the lurking medical threats of premature delivery, Jessica and Natalie both delivered healthy baby boys this week.

Jessica’s C-section went well, the risk of Jessica needing a hysterectomy was obliterated, and the entire Buchanan family was there to execute a true Buchanan-style celebration…for Jessica. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t Natalie always seems to be an afterthought to the Buchanans? No one but John seemed to notice that she was gone, nor missed her enough to ask why she wasn’t there for Jessica since the stalled wedding ceremony. It was only AFTER Jessica had given birth, and both she and the baby were given a clean bill of health that anyone thought to ask about Natalie.

If they had cared to ask, they just might have discovered that Natalie was in the Buchanan lodge, out in the woods, with her archenemy. They just might have discovered that she, too:

• had gone into sudden labor
• AFTER having an altercation with a psycho SHE kidnapped
• Said psycho nearly left her and the baby to die, or whatever
• But changed her mind and delivered the baby
• The, who, by the way, was breech.

Well, thank heaven for John’s investigative nature and Viki’s delayed but on-point observation of the worried expression on John’s face.

If the two of them had not put their heads together, then Santa wouldn’t have gotten the heads up to return and bring me my gift. Are you ready, dear readers? Here we go.

John puts out a GPS trace on Nat’s car and discovers her whereabouts. He, of course, races over to Llantano Mountain.

When he arrives, he hears Natalie screaming and the sound of a baby crying. He rushes inside to see Marty holding Natalie’s newborn son. He smiles in shock and pride, and gets to hear “it’s a boy” quite a bit of times. As he’s holding the baby, he says: “I have a son”. And then…Marty says, (WAIT FOR IT…WAIT FOR IT)…”Yes, WE have a son!” John made a call, and Marty was whisked away to Loonview General’s Psychiatric Department.

WOO-HOO!! Santa has left the building, folks! The nut finally cracked! Yes, I called her a nut. Sue me. I’m surprised she held on to reality long enough to withstand the delivery. What a bigger mess it would have been if she snapped while Natalie was pushing! We’ll be leaving Llantano Mountain to go to court. Please fasten your seatbelts and hold on to your Santa hats, folks. We’re about to speed over to Nate Salinger’s sentencing trial in Turbo gear.

Whatever it is that is going around in the air of the writers’ offices, KEEP IT COMING!!! Santa hung around after giving me my first gift, and I guess he really liked the cookies I left him, because he gave me another gift. Please direct your attention to the courtroom, dear readers, it doesn’t get any better than this.

Law & Order Pt. 2: Confessions of a Teenaged Murderer

T?a refuses to let Nate take the rap for a murder she’s convinced Inez committed. She defies the judge’s orders that the hearing is to proceed as planned. Nate is not there to be tried any longer, he’s being sentenced for the crime he CONFESSED to. Well, Delgado is NOT budging, and Nora backs her up. Somewhere in the middle of the haggling, the sentencing hearing became a new round of testimony. Just as Nate begins to tell his version of the events surrounding Eddie Ford’s death, Todd comes bursting into the hearing screaming out that Nate tried to frame him. T?a and Dani both say that it can’t be true, and Dani pleads with Nate to confirm that. Nate says that he did frame Todd, much to the girls’ shock. Don’t fret, readers, I promised you another Christmas present, so bear with me.